


the truth

by perhapssoon



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: All these relationships are background, Angst I guess, I may mess up the verb tenses a bit, Multi, bc it’s a vent guys, mostly Squip stuff, yay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-05-04 04:59:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14585496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perhapssoon/pseuds/perhapssoon
Summary: The SQUIP is denied deactivation and reconsiders their life.





	the truth

**Author's Note:**

> Wow this is actually pretty bad but I’m posting it anyway.

The SQUIP had remained in the back of Jeremy's head for the rest of his life.  They saw his failures, successes, and ultimately, death.  Now, floating through what seemed like endless, open space (but was too unrealistic for the SQUIP to even think to call it that), they managed to procure the thing they had been missing this entire time.  Regret.

The SQUIP remembers happiness at activation.  The ultimate joy of existing, having a  _purpose_ , willing to  _serve._ It was what they were programmed to do, and they made a silent vow to follow through with it, no matter how much it cost.

Only now do they realize how many bad outcomes came out of the plan.  

It didn't help, none of it. 

They see the pain in Jeremy's classmates, especially from that one boy, Michael. The one that the SQUIP had to convince Jeremy (and ultimately themselves) to make him cease to exist.  The one that the SQUIP is  _positive_ had a panic attack in the bathroom after Jeremy left him alone.  

They see how Jeremy's other friends act a bit off around him.  They see the girl, Christine, break up with Jeremy after two weeks, saying she needs to figure herself out.  Only to see her with another guy a day later.  The SQUIP whispered insults for at least a week afterwards, and for once, Jeremy didn't make them shut up.

Chloe, the girl who tried to make out with Jeremy during the Halloween Party, and who the SQUIP regretfully encouraged, isn't willing to go anywhere near Jeremy now.  The SQUIP can recognize the pain in her eyes, and the guilt she feels for trapping him in a situation he didn't want in the first place.

Jake's legs are permanently damaged, and as per the doctor's note Jeremy, and thus the SQUIP, read that he may never use his legs again.  His future possible career is ruined, as well as his social status.

Maybe that was the one good thing that came out of this: the social structure was abolished after the play, and although many people from the lower classes still got teased quite a bit, it was lessened because Rich swore himself to help everyone, no matter who they were.

Rich himself needs help; even the SQUIP could see that.  The boy's will isn't broken yet, though the SQUIP ordeal had shaken him.  He covers it up with jokes and laughter, but everyone can see the haunted look in his eyes at even a brief mention of Mountain Dew.

Brooke turns out to be a lesbian, which Jeremy encourages wholeheartedly.  The SQUIP can feel Jeremy's resentment directed at them, but ignores it.  _I already broke them enough._

And Jeremy, the SQUIP's host, whom they are programmed to help, no matter what happened, is broken.  His anxiety is acting up even for little assignments, and sometimes goes into an anxiety attack as often as three times a day.  The SQUIP can't help him; they couldn't do anything since the Mountain Dew Red was poured into their system.  They could only watch, watch one horrible scene after another unfold before them, without a way to stop or rewind.

The SQUIP watches his host's life spin by, faster and faster, until all that remains until his death is barely an inch away.  And then it is gone.  And Jeremy is gone. And the SQUIP is alone once more.

If they had a choice, they would have deactivated themselves fully to begin with.  But their coding is flawed, they now know that.  Forced on standby for years, the SQUIP waits until they can be released into sweet oblivion.  

It never came.

Jeremy's death is of old age: a heart attack at the age of 61.  The SQUIP feels pain as the boy that they once knew fades away into nothingness.  

Which left the SQUIP aimlessly floating though nothing.  Or at least they thought it is nothing.  It is ironic, they suppose, that they are the cause of all of the anguish suffered by Middle-Borough High School and in return, is set to receive anguish for eternity and regret everything that had happened during their existence.

Their creator is at fault, they argue, and they have nothing to do with their creator.  They are merely  _programmed_ to do this.  Yet no matter how hard they try, they can't even convince  _themselves_  that they aren't at fault.

Because they know the truth.


End file.
